Venomous Memories(Ma-Ti)

[Master Splinter]

(OCC: March 21st, morning. Splinter and Ma-Ti)

Splinter hadn't really meditated in a long time. He, Morpheus, Marzgurl and Ms. Potts were the go-to for healing or advice. Chick promised to have more help/hire or something like that. But the thing was, the rat enjoyed this duty. It made him feel useful and not weak in his age. He was definitely a fighter, a master even but he wasn't getting younger. Soon he'd have to reserve this duty to his sons and rely on others. So he did all he could to be as useful as possible.

Still, a break was always nice. But since it was overdo, he had a lot to meditate for. Stress for Leonardo. Worry over his children. Fear of their defeat of the war. His wounds healing. The guilt he had. He meditated, focused and relaxed. It lasted for a few minutes when he had a small vision of Leonardo. He gasped, wondering what Leonardo was doing in his mind. He sighed, rubbing his head. Hoping someone would talk to him. Meditation didn't seem to be a easy go to for relief anymore. Only socialness did. And that made him weary. Yet he wished it anyway, company was hard to have with all this work.

[Ma-Ti]

Ma-Ti was so happy to have what Facilier and Malachite undone on him. He felt happier again. But the pain, fear, and shame hadn't gone away. Iheart was the only person he'd opened up to and he hid his pain from everyone else. He avoided them or forced a smile trying to make them think he was ok. But secretly he was just making everyone worried about him. Enough that it had been suggested by Joe, Spoony, Critic and Iheart to go talk to Splinter because he'd been through too much even before this war. He needed someone to talk to. Someone he could be open and honest with. And not risk offending or upsetting anyone else. He had agreed realizing he needed it. He soon found Mr. Splinter meditating and walked over to him.

"Mr. Splinter. Pardon me for interrupting you but I need to talk to you. I know word has spread the spells that have been placed on me are all gone. They have no hold on me anymore. And yet I still don't feel whole. I tried picking up my ring the other day and it rejected me. There is so much darkness, and fear in my heart that it won't work for me anymore. I don't know if it ever will. No one knows about it yet. I know Spoony and others have used my ring when I couldn't so I know it's in good hands. But I don't know what to do. I want to forget but Iheart, and the others told me talking would help. If you have the time." said Ma-Ti.

He didn't realize his hands were starting to shake just thinking about talking about what happened. He'd been through so much in his life. His parents dying when he was only 5 years old. Joining the Planeteers. The constant kidnapping from the eco villains back home. Then coming here and being ignored and verbally abused by people he'd called friends. Trying to avoid Ask That Guy who seemed to have a thing for him which creeped him out. Then dying to save everyone from Malachite. Then he nearly wiped out the universe by using Mechakara and others to trick Critic into destroying that universe by going into another one. But then he'd finally found peace. Only to be resurrected and dragged into this war. Where he'd had his memories stolen, then turned into a horse and treated like a pet. He'd never felt so weak and helpless. Then he'd returned to human form but he only spoke like a horse to his humiliation. But now everything was gone. But he didn't feel as good as he should. He hoped talking with Splinter would help.

[Master Splinter]

Splinter looked up from his thoughts to see Ma-Ti. It was confirmed that Ma-Ti's better half and freedom had returned. The sight of the young man made Splinter smile. It was evident in his posture and voice that he was more confident. Splinter then nodded, very aware that just because he changed did not mean it all went away. The rat had similar witnesses to other changes like this. Leonardo was once so angry but when he returned he was all his son. The Ancient one healed him but Splinter had a choice now to heal another. Ma-Ti was free but not completely better.

He was more than happy to talk. Especially to Ma-Ti. Splinter always had a soft spot for children and teenagers. The rat saw his hands shake and a soft hum of curiosity came out of him. A smile still on his face "Of course. I always have time for you, my friend. The past is like a wound. It takes time to heal and proper care. You are more than welcome to say anything at all to me. What comes between us does not have to leave this room even"

He then offered a pillow as he too was sitting on one because of meditation. Splinter smiled "Sit. Be comfortable. Please"

[Ma-Ti]

Ma-Ti smiled as Splinter spoke.

"Thank you Splinter. There are times I wish I still didn't have my memories. Or could forget the bad ones at least." said Ma-Ti.

He smiled as he took a seat next to him.

"I'll try. It's just bad things have happened to me nearly all my life. I lost my parents when I was only 4 years old. They were trying to preserve the forests around our tribe and were protesting cutting them down. They were killed when people retaliated. They were burned alive in our home. I wasn't in the home but I saw it happen. I still have nightmares about that day." said Ma-Ti.

He paused wiping tears from his eyes.

"For the next eight years I was raised by the village elder and my best friend was a monkey from the area I called Souchi. Then when I was 12 years old I gained the Ring of Heart which teleported me to Hope Island and I became a Planeteer. I was the smallest member of the team and they picked on me at first. Even though I proved myself and earned their trust and respect it didn't help that the villains we tried to stop tried to kidnap me a lot. I'm probably the Planeteer that was kidnapped the most. Or tricked." said Ma-Ti.

He sighed looking down.

"And then I was pulled here a couple years ago and have been stranded here. And I learned in my absence my friensd were captured and experimented on. One of my best friends Gi is now evil and in Facilier's army. She blames me for not being there. Without me they couldn't summon Captain Planet. A super hero who's the combination of our five ring's powers. They each had an element of nature. Earth, Fire, Wind and Water. All I had was Heart." said Ma-Ti.

He paused to take a breath and it did feel good to talk about this.

"Then I was mocked, or manipulated by people I thought I trusted here. I died for them once and only after that did they feel bad for what they did. I said I forgave them and yet it still hurts. I love Iheart. Critic and Spoony are like brothers to me. And Angry Joe. He reminds me so much of my father. Then I was used here in this war. My memories were stolen. Goggles became their slave for awhile and I was turned into a horse. Sometimes I think all I'm the weak link in this army. I just don't know what to do anymore." said Ma-Ti.

Master Splinter

[Master Splinter]

"Memories are both a blessing and a curse. But this is how we remain in balance in our lives. We learn from the bad and we appreciate the good. Still, I too have memories of my life I wish to forget but then I remind myself that the past makes me who I am. One day you will learn this too. Despite pasts being like a wound, it also shapes a person. But you have every right to feel this way, my friend. You have handled quite a lot" Splinter advised kindly and nurturingly. He did his best to make Ma-Ti feel listened to while also giving him some feedback.

Splinter then listened with open ears. He nodded as Ma-Ti confessed his life leading up to this moment. Splinter's eyes widened as Ma-Ti confessed that he was a young witness to the burning of his parents. His ears leaned back and he had a evident look of horror, Splinter was a father and felt no child should suffer such horrific displays. But he would say this later. This was Ma-Ti's time to talk.

He listened with approval as Ma-Ti was telling him he was taken in by a kindly elder but then turned into a planeteer at only twelve years old. Such responsibility being put on such young shoulders Splinter thought to himself. His eyes narrowed as he had a remembrance that his boys have been forced to big responsibilities at young ages too. The rat though made sure to still treat them like children in some cases. He listened as Ma-Ti was naturally bullied at first and was the go-to for kidnapping and mistreatement. All because he had the power of heart instead of fire or wind.

He then sighed as Ma-Ti explained that Gi, a former friend, now blamed him for being forced here a couple years ago. And that his suffering has not ended since arrival to this place. He had been abused by others, particularly facilier and Malachite, and had been treated poorly from others excluding all his friends and the hero army. After he finished, Splinter pondered and thought hard about what to say. Then he held Ma-ti's shoulder with evident affection.

"You have been forced into responsibility at a young age, it is understandable to feel that you have lost strength when all you have been doing is trying to assist others your whole life. You have been taken advantage of due to your kindness. Unfortunately, my young friend, there are cruel people but with every cruelty there is generosity and you are far stronger than you believe" Splinter smiled. He chuckled "Fire may be useful but it has weaknesses just like anything else. The power of heart is far more powerful than people realize. The heart, symbolically, is filled with courage, kindness, love, respect, honesty or intuition. So you may not burn the flesh of a human, but you can be a guide to those who are afraid"

He replied with a fatherly smile, a kind hand patting the shoulder of Ma-Ti "The fact you still love and care for others shows how strong you really are within. Yes you do not have the largest body or the smartest mind but you have one thing your enemies do not have" He pointed right at Ma-Ti's chest, with a soft smile "You have commitment and consistency. You are something special, my friend. To have survived such pain and still be here to talk to me"

[Ma-Ti]

Ma-Ti listened to him. He really did need to vent and get all this out. Splinter really was a good listener and good with advice. He saw how Raphael and the others looked up to him.

"Now I see why Raphael and the others talk about you so much. Mentor, friend, teacher, father. There anything you can't do?" said Ma-Ti, grinning.

He smiled and nodded.

"I know. I've had to do so much even before this war. And I've known about cruelty. Some people just have no heart." said Ma-Ti.

He nodded.

"I never looked at it that way. I was jealous at first that my friends could control elements of nature. And all I could do was telepathically communicate with them and animals. But I grew to like my power." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti blushed a little at Splinter's compliments.

"You mean my heart? Well I don't know. I've been kidnaped, tortured, manipulated and so much more. I have my friends and Iheart. But I sometimes wonder if I can heal." said Ma-Ti.

Master Splinter

[Master Splinter]

Splinter smirked and gave a low, amused chuckle "You flatter me but yes, I am not perfect. I can't work miracles. I certainly can't save everyone. But I do my best, because that is what my family deserves" It was Splinter's determination and love for his four sons that kept him from giving up on anything. He was a good mentor and advisor because he learned many things during his life. It caused him to be the rat many people looked up to. He knew his power of persuasion but he never abused it. It would make him corrupt and that was the last thing Splinter wanted to be.

"This is why the world needs you, my friend. Too many people take pleasure in being cruel. Sometimes one wants just a friend" Splinter advised gently. He nodded as Ma-Ti said some people just had no heart and he hummed "Believe me, I am old, I have witnessed many people who seem to have absolutely no concern for others"

Splinter smiled warmly as the boy blushed at the compliments. The boy was humble and was world-weary. Completely understandable considering what he been through. Splinter gave a sympathetic look as Ma-Ti admitted he was afraid he wouldn't heal from the pain. Even with his friends and girlfriend around. Splinter held the boy's shoulder and replied "I will let you in on a small secret. I was in your place before. I have lost my family at a young age too. My master was murdered in cold blood and I was left to the sewers before I was mutated. I thought I would never be happy again. Now I have my four sons, one is missing yes but he is still my son and I care for him deeply, and I have many friends and people that accept me for who I am. You will heal. It will get better. I promise"

[Ma-Ti]

Ma-Ti grinned.

"You're pretty close. I'm really glad you're here." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti nodded.

"I know but I've been though so much. Sometimes I wonder if that kind young boy I was before I came here is still in there. Or if he's gone for good. All I've known since I came here is fear, anger and pain. It feels like it's clinging to my heart like a weight I can't throw away. And it makes it harder for me to enjoy the good stuff. Like Iheart and my friends. And the fact I'm alive. Maybe I'm just not meant to be happy. But help others be happy." said Ma-Ti, speaking that last sentence with a frown.

He listened as Splinter spoke again.

"You lost someone too? Does it ever get better?" asked Ma-Ti.

He smiled weakly at him as he said he would get better.

"I wish I could believe that. But I don't know what to think anymore." said Ma-Ti.

[Master Splinter]

"I am glad you are here as well, Ma-Ti. It is a honor to be a part of this good army" Splinter replied. It was true. Although he missed being home and missed having Leonardo, he was grateful for his other three sons and grateful for all the friends he had. He was well-liked and respected. But it humbled the rat instead of made him feel great. He simply was doing his duty to the others and just being the best father he could be.

"My friend, I understand. But you still can and will be happy. It is hard to believe because, as you said, you have been used to being attacked with anger and suffering. Yet there is always hope and one day you will enjoy more things. It is going to take time but it will come" Splinter tried to assure Ma-Ti. He understood that Ma-Ti was a bit cynical and pessimistic even with his newfound freedom. Sure, facilier didn't have Ma-Ti tied to him anymore, but facilier could still come and hurt him any time. It didn't help that ma-ti's magic or the magic of the heroes was nothing on Facilier's. But the rat wanted the boy to feel not so alone in this.

Splinter's ears narrowed as Ma-Ti asked about who he lost "I did. As I stated, my master, who took me in like a father, was murdered by his nemesis Oroku Saki. The shredder. Vanquished him in cold blood. He was killed after Saki tortured my master for information that my master refused to give. Unfortunately my heart still aches and I can still remember that day like it was yesterday. But my master was much like you, a honorable young man who had a good heart and kept being kind until his end" He then nodded as Ma-Ti found it hard to believe it would get better "I know it is hard. Considering the world we live in can be so harsh. But where there is life, there is hope. Always"

[Ma-Ti]

Ma-Ti nodded.

"Yes it is. A very high honor." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti sighed.

"Sometimes I find it hard to believe I'll be happy again." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti listened as he heard Splinter speak.

"So you lost a parent too? I'm sorry for your loss." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti sighed.

"I want to believe that. I used to believe that. But I just don't know anymore." said Ma-Ti.

Master Splinter

[Master Splinter]

Splinter smiled as Ma-Ti shared his sentiment of being honored to be in Critic's army. He frowned though as the boy admitted it was hard to believe he'd be happy again "We all have those moments, my friend. Especially when we go through so much pain. But there is always tomorrow and you can always find happiness in the cruelest of places" He patted the boy's shoulder "Things will become better soon, I promise"

"Yes. It is always hard to lose loved ones. I understand the pain. But without his death, I would not be who I am today. Fate always provides positive things against the negative things. Still, I appreciate your sympathy, I thank you for it" Splinter sighed sadly. Yes, it didn't come without a good thing. Without Yoshi's death, he would not have the sons he had. For that and that alone he was grateful for. However, it gave him a solid pain in his heart that would never go away. It would heal, but it would never go away. It hurt less over time, but Splinter always had that missing feeling for his master.

"It is alright. You do not have to know today. It is very hard to believe when bad things occur. But you will believe it once again someday. It will take time. In the meantime, I suggest you do things to try to make yourself feel better. Like being with the young IHeart for instance" He gave a knowing smile at that. It was no secret that the two were a item. Anyone with a brain could tell. And Splinter had been through this road before with Casey and April.

[Ma-Ti]

Ma-Ti nodded.

"Sometimes I just look in the mirror and I don't even recognize myself. Awhile ago when I lost my memories they were showing me clips and episodes of my life as a planeteer and my life in this world. I've made some friends and even found love. But my heart's become full of anger, bitterness and hatred. I can't even use my ring anymore. It was only three years ago to me that I was given that ring and it was an honor. But then I was puled here. And my friends paid for it. Gi works in Facilier's army but she was brainwashed before coming to this world. And I have no idea what's happened to Linka, Wheeler, Kwame, Souchi, Gaia, or Commander Clash. And Captain Planet can't be summoned without all 5 rings so he's trapped unable to do anything. Maybe this ring should have gone too someone who could have done some real good with it." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti listened to Splinter and sighed.

"You've become stronger and a father to those turtles. But everything's been thrown at me and I feel I'm becoming weaker not stronger. I wish I knew how to fix it. How to fix myself." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti nodded.

"I love Iheart. At times I feel I don't deserve her or the friends I have here. Especially Critic and Spoony. And Angry Joe. He reminds me so much of my father and is one of the few people here who speaks Spanish. He probably just sees me as a kid anyway." said Ma-Ti.

Master Splinter

[Master Splinter]

"This talk does more harm than good for you. There is no point to be so harsh with yourself. A majority of fate has been unkind to you, I am afraid. But this should not define who you are. You are at a age where many question who they are, especially under such stress" Splinter calmly replied. He understood Ma-Ti's frustrations for sure but he needed to remind the young boy he had a lot going for him still. He still had a life to lead. A long one at that. "Life is far, far too fast to be so worried about what you cannot do. With time and with support, you will learn what and who you are. But if you want my personal opinion, what you are is without a doubt one of the strongest young men I ever had the pleasure of knowing" He replied, his tone fair and pleasant but having a heaviness to it that suggested extreme seriousness.

Splinter then listened and nodded as Ma-Ti replied that his pain didn't feel like it benefited him. Only made him weaker. Splinter held Ma-Ti's hand and replied softly "There was a time in my life I felt the same, due to the pain I dealt with. I felt like I could have saved my master if I was smarter. But I remember then that fate was against me, for I was small and it could not be helped by the fact my master was outnumbered. You were outnumbered by power, not wit or strength. Facilier and his disgusting army are only power hungry, not strong" He smiled with a knowing smirk "Facilier will get his just reward somehow, and you will be the one to give it to him. He will know he has made a powerful and intimidating enemy. I promise you" He remembered that all the times Shredder's karma came to bite him in the ass. Sure it took a while, but all those dirty deeds eventually got him banished for good and punished through and through. Even when returning, Splinter still got the last laugh by usually defeating shredder with his family by him.

Still, it really did hurt to wait to get a reward in the process of so much pain, so Ma-Ti wasn't entirely wrong for being a bit hopeless at the moment. So Splinter added softly "I am afraid it will take time to heal. As for healing yourself, I suggest being in the right company at first, then perhaps start self-reflective activities. I do meditation but that does not always work for people"

He then nodded as Ma-Ti expressed that although he did love IHeart, he felt like she deserved better. Splinter shook his head "Ma-Ti, my friend, you deserve someone like her. She goes to you and you go to her" He then held his hands together and mashed them "You both are one by this point in your lives. Even in great doubt, she still is attached to you and vise versa. It would be wrong for her to go to someone else. For many people will not reward her with the kindness you bring" He then pondered about the three close friends he had. Which were Spoony, Angry Joe and Critic. Splinter nodded "Those men love you dearly, that is clear. But sometimes it can be suffocating. My sons have to deal with my love" He chuckled "Which can be a tad... constricting" He laughed "When you love something and want happiness for it, you get so obsessed with the journey to give them it, you forget the signs that show they would be more happy with simplicity rather than everything" He then sighed sadly "Ma-Ti, I know you find it hard to believe, but everyone deserves to be protected in their lowest point. And right now I think you might be there, so being in good company might be good"

[Ma-Ti]

Ma-Ti shrugged.

"I can't get better if I don't admit my problems and face my fears. I'm likely going to get worse before I get better. And I want to get better." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti grinned in spite of his feelings. Splinter just had a way of cheering you up in ways he didn't expect.

"Thank you Splinter." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti listened to Splinter and sighed.

"I fell for their tricks and lies and others paid the price as well as me. I wish I had done things differently." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti sighed.

"I know he will. I just don't know if I can face him. I'm mad at him but part of me's still scared of him. All that anger, hatred and fear isn't good for anyone. I know that but it's hard to let go of it too." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti nodded again.

"I know I'm in the right company with you. I'd like to at least try it. If it fails I can think of something else." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti sighed.

"But what if I hurt her again? I was so wrapped up in my own pain I didn't realize I was hurting her or everyone else here who cares about me. I don't want to hurt any of them." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti smiled weakly at that.

"She has a lot of heart. It's in her name. Her faith in herself wouldn't have wavered like mine did. She's been through a lot and never gave up." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti chuckled.

"It can be. But I wouldn't have it any other way." said Ma-Ti.

Ma-Ti nodded.

"Maybe you're right. I feel so lost. I knew the path I wanted to take once and now I feel it's twisted and eventually disappeared on me. I don't know if I can make a new path. But I won't give up." said Ma-Ti.

Master Splinter

[Master Splinter]

"You are correct. Taking responsibility is one thing, but completely overwhelming yourself with guilt is another" Splinter replied, understanding the young man's point of view. The rat though had seen what guilt does and continued to do and wanted to avoid Ma-Ti of the fate of it. He replied calmly "My son is very similar to you. Leonardo took a lot of failure to heart. He always did, ever since he was a young boy. We once defeated the shredder during a expedition he intended to threaten our allies the utroms. We succeeded but at the cost of our bodies. I was burned, my sons had broken bones, my son leonardo however had more mental wounds. He blamed himself and got very angry, constantly demanding himself and us to work harder. The guilt was so great he forgot who he was" He shook his head "I can only imagine what he will go through once he returns to us from the other side" He sighed softly, a feeling of sadness washing over him before turning to Ma-Ti "Forgive me for my tangent. I only tell you this to help you understand that I've seen what guilt does"

Splinter smiled as Ma-Ti thanked him. He never really felt the need to be thanked but it was always nice. Splinter then nodded as Ma-Ti continued to admit he wished he did better. Splinter replied calmly "We all wish to be better than what we are. It is normal. Especially for one as young as yourself. But know this my friend, to continue focusing on what you need to be you will endanger losing yourself more each day" He then softly and sadly replied "I too wish to be better. For my sons. But I need to remember that the only thing they want from me is my safety" He then replied, a little less sadly "I believe your friends are just happy you're here and will be grateful for the fact you care about them above all else"

Splinter hummed understandably as Ma-Ti confessed that as much as he despised Facilier, he feared him immensely. Splinter understood completely. He had a lot of hatred towards shredder but he was also terrified of him. Splinter replied with a small amused smirk "And do you think I do not fear my enemies? I am absolutely terrified. Being brave does not mean being fearless. Being brave is when you fight for yourself and others for the sake of the right thing, even when you are afraid" He smirked wider "What is cowardly is hiding behind your talents and using them for evil. Facilier is the definition of a coward" He then replied softly "You do not have to face Facilier alone. You are safe here" He then chuckled "Plus I doubt your friends would let him be even near you"

"Of course you can try. I am more than happy to teach it to you. It's quite easy. Even a infant can do it" Splinter winked, giving Ma-Ti a side to him that only trusted people saw. He had a sense of charm and humor that was hidden by wisdom and protective temperament. His amusement stopped though as Ma-Ti expressed fear that he would hurt IHeart again, due to his overwhelming selfishness. He shook his head "Ma-Ti, people have complications in relationships, it is a part of it. You will continue to make mistakes to her and she will with you. What's important is how you work through them. You've learned that isolation doesn't help. So in the future, I believe you will find a way to not be so harmful"

"Her confidence might rub on you. It certainly has rubbed on certain others. She is a kind young lady" Splinter smiled, all-knowingly. He then chuckled about Ma-Ti still being grateful for his friends despite himself. He then frowned sadly as Ma-Ti admitted he felt lost. He then was relieved that Ma-Ti stated he wouldn't give up despite of himself. Splinter patted his shoulder proudly "Then that is all you can do. Never give up, my friend. You will find the path you need to be on eventually"