Post by Deleted on Dec 21, 2014 19:25:01 GMT -5
Yep. I made a venting thread so I can grace you all with my petty complaints.
Anywho, this has been a particularly shitty year for me. My dog had to be euthanized New Year's Eve, I've been struggling with on and off depression since March, and have only recently began to develop anxiety problems. I've made mistakes over these last few months that have strained relationships with friends, isolated me, and have left me feeling like crap. Fortunately, I got lucky and they were able to forgive me and move on. But I still feel awful every so often. Trust me, I don't feel nearly as miserable as I was a few months back-I just feel "meh" on most days. No joy...just nothing. Then there's my anxiety which I'm gonna speculate was triggered by the additional stress I've had to put up since entering college/uni. (And my history as a hypochondriac...ANYWAY) I'm worrying that I might be going insane or that I might loose my mind one day and it just terrifies me. The fear has also followed me into my work too. Sure, I've been lazy for most of my life I'll attest to that, but no I'm just worried that my work (Writing in particular) in never good enough, and it could always be better. The result? My school work gets done in a hasty, half-assed fashion and the plots I have for fics or creative writing never come to fruition. So most of my leisure time that could be spent being productive, I usually just say "fuck it" and burn time on the Internet or nap. I've also become more sensitive lately, as in things that normally wouldn't bother me are leaving me with a heavy pit in my stomach, and I absolutely hate it. Idfk, it's strange because this is all stuff I mentioned I could've shrugged off in the past, now it just feels like I'm being eaten alive by all this bullshit.
And before anyone asks, yes I am seeking help from a therapist at school who is also a professor in psychology. My parents, my family and friends in RL know about this because a) I don't trust them emotionally and b) It's too shameful on my part. Yes, therapy has been helpful and I usually feel great after my weekly session, but now that I'm on break I wonder if I'll just lose all rationality and spiral out of control emotionally and mentally.
-sigh-
Anywho, this has been a particularly shitty year for me. My dog had to be euthanized New Year's Eve, I've been struggling with on and off depression since March, and have only recently began to develop anxiety problems. I've made mistakes over these last few months that have strained relationships with friends, isolated me, and have left me feeling like crap. Fortunately, I got lucky and they were able to forgive me and move on. But I still feel awful every so often. Trust me, I don't feel nearly as miserable as I was a few months back-I just feel "meh" on most days. No joy...just nothing. Then there's my anxiety which I'm gonna speculate was triggered by the additional stress I've had to put up since entering college/uni. (And my history as a hypochondriac...ANYWAY) I'm worrying that I might be going insane or that I might loose my mind one day and it just terrifies me. The fear has also followed me into my work too. Sure, I've been lazy for most of my life I'll attest to that, but no I'm just worried that my work (Writing in particular) in never good enough, and it could always be better. The result? My school work gets done in a hasty, half-assed fashion and the plots I have for fics or creative writing never come to fruition. So most of my leisure time that could be spent being productive, I usually just say "fuck it" and burn time on the Internet or nap. I've also become more sensitive lately, as in things that normally wouldn't bother me are leaving me with a heavy pit in my stomach, and I absolutely hate it. Idfk, it's strange because this is all stuff I mentioned I could've shrugged off in the past, now it just feels like I'm being eaten alive by all this bullshit.
And before anyone asks, yes I am seeking help from a therapist at school who is also a professor in psychology. My parents, my family and friends in RL know about this because a) I don't trust them emotionally and b) It's too shameful on my part. Yes, therapy has been helpful and I usually feel great after my weekly session, but now that I'm on break I wonder if I'll just lose all rationality and spiral out of control emotionally and mentally.
-sigh-
